Did I really just say that awful thing?

I know this sleep-deprived time will pass, but it isn't passed yet and I have been grouchy.  I know I have.  I am constantly experiencing an internal battle with being nice and being overwhelmingly tired (of not getting REM sleep, of staying home, and of things my husband says).

So here's the battle:  I want to be nice to Senthil.  All in all, he's awesome.  But then there are things.  You can skip this little vent-session if you want, but I think it's therapeutic, so here it goes:

Things that have caused me to become a hostile monster this week:

1) Senthil sleeping SO much more than me and then complaining he's tired
2) Senthil letting Koral "cry it out" while he watches her as I shower
3) Being unable to accomplish simple tasks like cooking okra because I am holding Koral, etc.
4) Senthil asking me again why some women are skinny after delivering babies.

OKay, as I review this list, I see I am mainly upset with Senthil.  I also realize that I can't be upset with Koral as she is little, so I probably do deflect that to him.  First, I am happy he gets sleep.  I am.  I should probably let #1 go.  Second, I sometimes let her cry it out, also.  But it causes me a lot of anxiety while I'm in the shower/getting dressed unable to relax while hearing her wail.  I should probably let that one go, too.  And #3...well, that's just going to happen until daycare, I suppose.  Let's face it.  He shouldn't have said #4 and we all know it.

Much better.  Alright, this week I will try to be nicer to my wonderful family.  I am super proud of myself because I DID set up the Wii and exercised on Thursday.  I could feel my muscles happily stretched out yesterday (Friday) and today I may skip it because we're having guests over tonight and I need to get some things done, but tomorrow is wide open.  If Koral is sleeping, that's a great time.

Here's the thing, though.  My breasts are huge.  I mean it's gross.  I guess I lucked out in life having a small chest.  If I had to deal with this normally - I don't even know.  But they just keep getting bigger because - and I had never thought of this before - as Koral gets bigger, she needs more milk.  So they keep upping production!  It takes a lot of water, too.  I am thirsty like crazy, but don't have to pee - but let me tell ya, it's like having two extra bladders stuck on your chest.  They get "full" and it can be very, very uncomfortable.  This gets worse over time.  This morning, Koral guzzled breakfast, and then I still pumped out 5 ounces to freeze (for daycare later).  Also, if she's asleep and it's too uncomfortable to wait for her, I pump.  My advice is get a good pump.  You will use it a lot in the second month and onward if you're not using formula.

Okay, she woke up.  Later.