It's been a YEAR since my last post. Koral is 18 months!

I took quite a break from blogging, and also moved everything over from the old blog to this better interface on Blogger - so hopefully things will finally be in chronological order and dated from here on out!

Koral is now a beautiful 18 month old - in a nutshell, after the last post last year, I gradually became a full-time stay at home mom and have really loved caring for Koral.  Daycare became scary for us as I ended up finding Koral there crying in a pool of her own snot while the teachers ignored her, and that was the last day she attended.  After, we went to India for 3 months as Koral was 6 months to 9 months - we mainly stayed inside and played during this time due to heat, but would go on early morning or late evening stroller walks and made some local friends and had a good time.

Afterward, we returned home for the summer in the states at our townhouse rental -- but went to Iowa to have her 1st birthday party with my family, which was awesome.

Following, we enjoyed fall here at home whilst I joined a local Mom's Club group that has been awesome for friends, socialization, and support - we are able to get out nearly every day for an activity and play.  We attended lots of fall festivities and in general had a great time!

In November, we took another short trip to India but it was really an awful stay due to city flooding and power outages, bad food and constant humidity and rain.  We were happy to get home!  Then a quick week to Iowa for a snowy fun Christmas with my family, and back home!

Koral now loves climbing more than ever, and is very good with balance.  She doesn't say any words at all yet - stopped saying "Mama" after she learned to walk at 7-8 months.  However, she lets us know what she wants very very well.  Right now she's sitting at her little craft table coloring with markers - another favorite!

My big news other than my favorite girl in the world is that we are expecting a baby boy in 3 months - and so I have decided it's time to start logging our lives again other than Facebook posts.  This time around, I feel so much more capable.  I feel ready, know what to expect, and we are planning to have our baby, Ocean, at the midwife center in town.  It's really lovely and I have heard great reviews, so this time around, hopefully no hospital or belly band.  I'm sure I will write all about the experience when we get there.  Below are photos from our walk today.

Christmas and New Years, 5 months

1/2/2015
It's been 18 days since my last post and a lot has happened.  I haven't written because I am still in the process of moving my blog over from Svbtle.com to blogger.com.  I am even more disappointed in svbtle as I have discovered my posts didn't even automatically log the date and time of posting!  How terrible.  I dated this one for future reference.

First, I was in such a happy Christmasy spirit, and dancing with Koral around the living room for days to Christmas music while making peanut butter cookies and tree decorations was an awesome time.  Then, so sadly, she caught a sickness the day before Christmas Eve and got a fever for four days.  It was heartbreaking and I stayed home with her on a routine of baby IBuprofen or Tylonal to help her low fever stay down and lots of feeding and using the Nose Frida to keep her airway clear.  We had to co-sleep or she didn't rest well and I wanted to hear her breathing anyway.  Well, five days into that the fever was gone and my parents arrived for a post-Chirstmas visit and they helped out a lot with watching her and playing with her throughout this week.  They just left this morning and we're all a little sad about it.  Milo was getting extra doggie-walks with them and Koral didn't have to go to daycare and it was a big help.  She's almost all better, so I took her in today but they called me after two hours since her nose was blocked.  Poor girl!  She just needs her mom and dad right now to help her out.

The other really big news is that our cousin, Lavanya, had her baby one week ago!  We had talked a bit in California and I hoped I gave her some good info, but her labor was very long and difficult and ended in a C-section.  Great news is that little baby girl is so very cute and everyone is healthy, so we are all really grateful!  Koral now has two cousins younger than herself!

The Scoop on Postpartum Pregnancy

You've probably heard of people who get pregnant right after having a baby.  I have.  One of my dearest friends from the past, Tom, has a little girl only a few months older than Koral and his wife is already expecting!  However, there are reasons.

First, Tom's wife is a teacher and went back to work in August.  She's pumping in the day, but not "exclusively nursing."  Basically, your body can tell and if you are nursing every few hours, it probably won't release an egg.  If your baby starts to sleep for 8 solid hours, you might get your period back.  If you work without nursing for 8 hours, you might then, too.  But if you're still "cluster nursing," it's only a 2% chance without protection, so in my current case, unlikely.  If your baby is under 6 months of age, that also helps as you body probably won't release an egg, especially if you're nursing.

I did a lot of research because I had that feeling like, hey, maybe?  I would be pretty thrilled to get pregnant again soon.  Okay, I haven't had an easy time of it, and I was feeling sick for like a year, but I really want Koral and Baby #2 to be able to play together and grow up close.  Also, I really want my body back, and I don't think I can get there only to do all this again.  I just want to lose a little weight, go through the next one, and then when all is said and done and I get all in shape again, if I still have crazy belly skin drooping, maybe I get a tuck done so that doesn't hang around for the rest of my life.  I feel that's reasonable.  Also, if pregnancy was that hard at 28, how great will that feel down the road?  Yikes.  So, those are my thoughts.  If I happen to miraculously defy the odds and conceive whilst nursing, so be it.  I would be quite happy!

5 months old - Daycare

Original Post from 2014

Well, it's been a little while since I've posted.  I've been procrastinating because first I was just happy to be home, then we traveled to California, and also I do not like this blog format and need to soon copy and paste all my entries away from svbtle.com to another host because apparently people who read my blog don't get the posts in order.  How ridiculous!

OKay - so Littles had begun to taste baby food (veggies) last month, and now is a huge fan of eating.  She grabs the spoon and takes bites and looks like she loves it.  Her favorites are green peas, green beans, carrots, and sweet potato.  She's not fond of the fruits like pears or banana yet.

The big trip to CA for our cousin's baby shower snuck up on us, and we prepared for the flight with one layover.  I had asked around on Facebook on how to travel with a baby and read the flight allowances for babies.  I took the carseat snapped into the stroller base for rolling through the airports and walks, two small suitcases, and two bags - one diaper bag and my milk pump that is a tote, which was filled with things like empty bottles, baby fever reducer (just in case), chewy toys, and extra blankets.

After dropping Milo off at the sitter's for the week, I picked Senthil up from his second morning meeting and we just made our noon flight.  Total travel time, including the layover, was 11 hours.  Koral was great.  We did not buy her a seat so she slept on our laps.  I wore a short-sleeve button-down shirt that would be easy to nurse in and had a long, thin scarf.  This worked really well.  I didn't have to cover her head and had all the skin covered, and part of the scarf was like a little blanket for Koral if her arms or legs were cool.  Thank goodness she can nurse with ease now that she's older.  She basically does all the work herself now.

We had a great stay and our very pregnant cousin was able to ask me questions about birth.  I tried to answer as honestly as possible, and we picked up some things that might help her afterward like pads for bleeding, witch hazel pads for pains and swelling, and things like that.  I hope for her an easy labor, but also a child that sleeps well afterward.  We discussed how  everyone dwells on the birth but that is just one little day in the end.

The trip home was also great, with Koral nursing and sleeping all through the flight.  Such a good little cuddle bug!  She's begun to demonstrate some really awesome skills, like picking up a toy, chewing it, turning it, throwing it.  She can now roll halfway over, and then back.  She has a great laugh and has pretty much stopped daytime crying unless she is very hungry or tired.

Today was her FIRST full day of DAYCARE!!!  We went last week on Thursday together and I stayed with her for three hours.  Then we went home.  On Friday, I actually left her there for four hours, so a half day.  Today, she was there for six hours, but I went in the middle to feed her.  Hey, I might as well since I would have to pump and she needs to eat and it's so close.  Again I used my scarf to discretely nurse in the daycare room.  I feel she is okay there, but I do hope she eventually takes a bottle again just in case I can't get there.  It's been terrible throwing away all that pumped milk every day, but she will not drink from a bottle!  However, she will eat baby food veggies on a spoon from anyone, so they at least can feed her that.

Other than those updates, we are getting very ready for Christmas next week!  I need to finish gift buying and shipping in the next two days.  I am working on Koral's India visa application for upcoming visits to India - most likely in the next few months.  I feel so much better about the trip now that we've been on a plane.  International travel is even better as far as accomodations, so if we can take the duration we will be golden.

Happy Holidays!  Oh, we got Koral's "Baby's First Christmas" ornament and I love it so much!

More little Postpartum Surprises

Hello!  For a moment in time, I am mysteriously FULLY RESTED!  Afternoon nap, Koral is asleep still for a little bit, I was truly deeply asleep and woke up slowly for once.  I thought, hmmm, what is this feeling?  Oh my - fully rested.  Oh no!  Where is Koral?  Oh, thank God, she's just still sleeping.  How odd.

On the sleep front, it has been incredibly sad that she continues to wake several times every night.  On a really good night, it's one or two times to feed and then back to sleep, but on an average night, it's 3-4 times, and more on a bad night.

SO!  BABY CLOTHING SIZES.  My lovely little one is now 4 months and a week old.  So why are all of her clothing size 9 months now??  This is something that does not surprise any other parents and had my mom saying, "Oh, I know, they need to just redo it so they are all accurate one day."  This is apparently an ongoing and persistent problem that started a long time back.  Baby clothing is notoriously mislabeled so your child will pretty much always be growing out of that clothing level long before you think.  This means that my clothing I bought for winter she is just growing OUT of now, as the cold approaches (6-9 months) which is really horrible!  That also means that she will likely be in 1 year old clothes very soon, and that's just crazy.

ON HAIR LOSS:  I didn't know this was a thing, but it seemed like I was using my lint roller way to often!  I was shedding tons in the shower, on the couch, in bed, while brushing hair, etc.  There was one of my hairs in Koral's mouth that Senthil pulled out!  (Yuck.  Poor girl.)  So we looked it up and sure enough, Post-Partum Hair Loss occurs because whilst  pregnant, you stop shedding.  All those little hair follicles that normally shed 100 hairs a day signal a stop to shedding until later then 3 months or so after baby is born, the signal to shed like crazy and catch up is given.  This lasts 3 to 6 months or so - Shedding like a Yeti that is - until you're back to normal.  My goodness!  How weird!

Koral tried baby food recently and hasn't got the whole swallowing down yet, but seemed to have a good reaction to carrots.  I started with baby rice cereal mixed with pumped milk, but she started to evade the spoon and really didn't like it.  Now, if you want to do it "right," you're supposed to begin with the most bitter veggies and work toward sweet ones slowly.  However, I just want her to sleep through the night a bit easier so I am willing to negotiate the food to go with whatever will fill the poor girl up.  Some solid food in her belly is supposed to help keep her sleeping since it is believed she's waking up from hunger.  When I fed her a taste of carrot, there was a smile!  She just needs to figure out the swallowing bit.

OKay, off to feed Koral and get read to go out to Thai for supper!  Oh, yay!

Week 18 - Baby's first sickness

My poor Littles is sick.  This began about three days ago, but got worse last night.  I had previously been using the mucus-sucking bulb from the hospital, but it didn't do enough.  Last night, Koral was so hungry but couldn't breath through her little clogged nose!  It was SO AWFUL.  At 9:00 in the morning, Target opened and Senthil went to buy the Nose Frida - a Swedish invention that lets you suck the mucus from her nose with a tube that goes into your mouth.  Settle down - the mucus is trapped and does not go in your mouth, and the suction is fantastic.  It works!  Yes, I was a parent that saw it months ago and said, No way!  Well, just wait till your baby can't breathe.  You'll buy one, you'll use it, and you'll be happy.  Thank you, Swedish inventor.

Yesterday we celebrated Senthil's 31st birthday, and I was reminiscing about how last year we celebrated his 30th shortly after finding out I was pregnant!  Now we have our sweet little girl and I am so glad.  Yesterday was important as a family because really it was the first day since coming home that we all relaxed - no work, no unpacking, just family and rest and meals together.  I got Senthil a breakfast sandwich maker that he loves, and we made egg, cheese, spinach and tomato sandwiches on english muffin.  It's designed to make sandwiches in the "McDonald's Egg and Cheese Muffin" style.  Also, a hot-air popcorn maker.  We are both focusing on a healthy diet now that we're home, and these two are meant to help.  That being said, I feel like I still have a ways to go, and the stretch marks are I think pretty much as bad as they get on anyone, but the weight is reducing over time.  This is good, since I started stress-eatting my last two weeks in Iowa and that was quite a backward step.

Postpartum Month 4 - TMI Reality Pic of an average, exhausted, happy new mama:
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If you compare to the 2nd day after birth pic, then the 2 weeks post partum pic, this is really good.  Slowly just shrinking down!  I know I keep motivating to really exercise, but honestly, just too tired most days with all the travel we've been doing.  Oh, my, travel alone is a beast.  We have been away from our home half of her life!  Just glad to be settling in again, refusing to leave for a while.

Almost Home - Week 17

Ohhh, it's been a long while.  I am serious when I say this last 7 weeks has aged me.  I got a new wrinkle on my brow between my eyebrows, a stress crinkle that is there now.

Well, last post was three weeks ago, and basically we continued our stay in Iowa.  It was great to see the relationships form with Koral and family members.  However, it was also very hard to be the single parent, hoping someone would watch her every now and then when it was not their parental responsibility.  I was very tired the entire time.  I could not pump except for in our tiny guest room - and then there was really nothing for Koral to do in there that would occupy 20 minutes, so I just stopped pumping.  As it turned out, that was a bad idea and I developed mastitis to some degree with swelling and blocked ducts.  I'm still producing a lot, and will resume pumping.

Back at home there was a lot of relationship drama and miscommunication between well-meaning members.  This created a lot of stress on top of being without Senthil, etc.  Long story short, I kept telling myself it would be better when he arrived.

The day he arrived, I had moved Koral and all our belongings to my sister's house near the airport.  Koral fell asleep at 7 p.m. and I was very tired, but went to pick up Senthil at 10.  Not getting to bed until midnight, driving through fog/rain, then sleeping next to a very loud snore I had grown used to living without - then waking up to again pack the little car with EVERYTHING.  It was a lot.  I was (and am) tired and cranky.  On no sleep at all - 2 hours total - we headed out to Indianapolis.

In Indy, I was stopping for three days of work at my previous job to train our new marketing director.  This was the highlight of my week!  For four hours a day, I left Koral with Senthil in a very nice hotel.  I set up all the toys, stations, laid out clothes, left milk in bottles in the fridge, warmer ready.  You should have seen Senthil.  He acted like it was the worst 4 hours of his life.  Koral cried he apparently just let her.  The second day was even worse.  The third day he took her to Aleca's house (our old nieghbor's) and she watched her.  For me, I get that he has been away and had all of this freedom and is learning.  However . . .

Then we drove all the way home.  And our power had been turned off.  Yep.  I forgot to pay the power bill.  It used to be on auto pay before moving to the new apartment, and with all the craziness and held mail, I missed it.

So, after a ten-hour drive with a baby and dog and both of us sick of the car and hotels and each other, we found another hotel for two nights until power is switched back on.  Brilliant.  It was during this time that I finally lost it.  Senthil just left all of it to me.  How incredible.  Jet lag, yeah, okay.  But who took care of Koral and Milo for the last 6 weeks?  Who has not actually been rested for a very long time and has severe neck and back knots?  Oh, but he's tired and doesn't care and sleeps freakin' ten hours a night, then takes three naps during the day, and does not make it from 3:05 to 3:15 watching Koral.  Sooooooooo - crap.  Maybe he's just not cut out to be a good dad.   From what I can tell, it's all about Senthil.  I loaded the luggage rack and he just stood there, and when I had unloaded it and put things away in the room, he couldn't even be bothered to roll the rack down the hall back to the lobby.  He got all snippy and snapped from the bed where he was laying - "Not right now!"  Um, we can't just keep it.  Other people need it on a Saturday night.  I happened to have been feeding Koral and was less clothed than him.  He just didn't care.  He doesn't care when Koral is crying, he doesn't care when Milo needs to go out ("He just went out"  - five hours ago), he doesn't help me in any way that would allow me to get more rest, and he doesn't seem to think it's unreasonable to be on his computer during any of these times.  I would like to be on my computer, too - for work, which I do have, or for fun.  It took me over a week to place a simple order on Amazon for safety gates and pack n play sheets because every time I opened the computer someone needed me.  Anyway, I am really down.  Getting pretty depressed.  We finally go home tomorrow as the power will be restored.  I know that will help a lot.  Koral will hopefully be registered to attend a nearby daycare this week and starting next week, so that is also something.  Oh - with the power outage, all my 32 bags of frozen pumped milk are gone (that's like 15 hours of effort).  Yes, I am grieving.

This week - I want to join Weight Watchers, Enroll Koral in Daycare, Begin her on tasting cereal, research more on introducing foods, set up the play area in our living room with the safety fence for when she is crawling (soon!), Tuesday and Wednesday work with the team at my job to help them get things going, get Senthil's payroll in order for his business, pick up all our held mail, take Milo to the vet as he started itching again last week, Koral has her four month appointment, etc.

The one really good thing - Koral is beautiful.  She is laughing now and is funny and inquisitive and chomping on all her toys.  I got her a Sophie the Giraffe today and she went right to town on gumming away at it.  She has started rolling from belly to back.  She is grabbing for my food now, eyeing me when I eat and thinking, Hey, that looks kind of interesting, maybe I can eat that...  Well, this is the week.  Week 17.  Intro to food.  Here we go!

Week 14, It's been 2 weeks in Iowa

Iowa has been really lovely so far with the fall leaves and not too cold temperatures!  I'm really pleased to say Koral and I are both doing well, and I hope that continues.  Senthil has checked in lots and is having a great time with work and family in India.  All is well, and here's the new stuff with Koral in the past two weeks:

Koral began grasping toys that were put into her hands during week 12, and by week 13 she would reach and find nearby toys to hold, such as plastic links and rattles and colorful fabric books.  She also got a hold of my hair and skin a couple of times with her mighty little fists.

During Bathtime she also likes to kick the water more.

Her biggest change is that she likes to "chew" on fingers and toys more than suck.  She's always wanted to suck on my thumb, then onto her own thumbs, but now there's the need to gum everything and has developed a bit of drooling.

That's about it.  Something else is that since I watched "Happiest Baby on the Block," which is so helpful for new parents, I realized that when she was crying all those times she wanted me to help her fall asleep.  I didn't understand that before.  She was tired but unable to fall asleep, and I didn't know what to do.  So I would stay up with her and try to help her by stimulating her in positive ways to make her happy when she really needed to be swaddled and rocked to sleep.  It might seem obvious now, and it works really very well now, but I didn't know that before.  Poor baby.  Well, first time parents...

Made it to IOWA - Week 12 begins

Hello - Senthil is currently waiting for his plane to take off from Chicago to India, and I am in bed with Koral sleeping in her little bed in Iowa.  It's a little strange to feel he is so far away, and a little strange to be in the parent's house with the dog and the bebe.  However, happily - the trip half way across the country went very very smooth and exactly according to plan!  Yay!  We drove from South Carolina to Indianapolis, and Koral slept through 90 percent of more of it (about 10 hours).  Then we stayed two nights there at a hotel and visited friends before striking out for Iowa City, only 6 hours away.  We again spent two nights in Iowa City with my sister, and then today I took Senthil to the airport in Iowa to fly to Chicago before driving to the parent's house, another hour away.

Here we go, week 12!  I hope to go on lots of bundled up fall walks with Koral and Milo, visit a few people, and take it easy.  Tomorrow I will be seeking out a few items we need that I didn't bring, like some of my foods and hairspray and things.  G'night!

(Missing my Senthil.  Hope he is safe and happy and the weeks fly by!)

Should Everyone be a Parent?

Original Post from 2014

First, I know I am lucky that I can take time to be with my little girl now and not be working for a few months.  I am lucky, as absurd as it is, to be able to nurse my child.  Culture today is not set up for mothers to be able to nurse (one of the most basic human rights), and so many have to use formula.  But, it is also the most challenging thing I have done.  My needs are not first, I don't get to sleep half the time I did at any other jobs, my back/neck/shoulders hurt for the first time in my life, I am away from my husband and friends for extended periods of time, I cannot go to events in general because she is not an "easy baby."

My sister, who I respect and admire very dearly, is in her early 30s, has a great guy, they both work, she has student loans like me, actually does have a job with insurance benefits (unlike me), and feels she is too busy to have kids.  She does not necessarily feel the need for children.

Now, I have experienced the feeling that comes to mothers only after their first child arrives into the world and they are in AWE, they cannot get over how amazing their tiny baby is, and really just pure love.  It is great, and it does not go away.  First, I have to say it is the most intense emotion of my entire life.  It's a different kind of love.  This is akin to never tasting sugar and then tasting it.  You can't IMAGINE it until it is there.

However, I do not think all people were meant to be parents.  I think you should have a huge amount of WANT and be willing to change things in your life.  Some people will never be ready on their own.  It may change them if they accidentally become parents - this happens all the time.  But if you are in charge of your own fate, making the choice is a huge one.  For me, nothing is going as planned.

Since I was working remotely and could be at home or at my office, I thought I would be back to work in three weeks.  Wow - I was so very wrong.  If you've followed the blog up until now, you will know I tried to return to work and failed, that I am still sleep-deprived....

At work, a well-rested parent can have the luxury of leaving the home, feel free to get into that very different mind-set where people eat lunch in peace and talk to adults in a witty way.  I have lost all wit.  People talk to me and I am sluggish and awkward with sleep deprivation, holding my child and never stopping a rocking motion.  I look like a crazy person.

Before having children, if you love your job like I do and like Senthil does, think to yourself - am I ready to let that go for a huge commitment, even though I will feel amazing love amidst unimaginable expense and hardship?  Can I see myself hauling a carseat around everywhere for the first year, changing diapers on the floor in places that have no where to lay a child?  Getting up five times a night?  Seeing your baby look at you for every need, and putting them first?  Seeing their first smile and thinking you need to smile back/baby talk them/get the camera all at once?  Dealing with an unexplainable hour of crying one minute after their first smile?  Having everyone in the world criticize your cup of coffee because you're pregnant/nursing (even though you know that having less than 200 MG of caffeine is okay).  So yeah, I wanted this, and I still want this.  In fact, something in me that must be crazy actually already wants another one.  I look forward to the days when I can happily drop my child off for, say, eight hours, grab my coffee, zone into my lovely computer and get to work.  I adore that feeling of productivity!  For now, I'm just getting by.  But it's still okay, it's still good, just really really really really really HARD.  So, this next part is a big deal:

I also committed to letting my husband go on a five-week business trip to India.  I said "Okay, I'll be fine.  Go ahead, Love."  Do you know when I said this?  A month BEFORE the baby was born.  THEN I decided I would spend that time in Iowa so my family could bond with Koral.  I hope this all goes well, but I have a sinking, panicked feeling about it all.  I am leaving my emergency milk in the freezer in South Carolina, along with a secure set-up in our home.  I will not have Senthil, my rock, with me.  This is a risk.

So tomorrow, we're packing up our tiny car with the dog, very unhappy and colic-cursed infant, me and Senthil and somehow all our stuff, and traveling halfway across the country to leave me at my family's house.  Part of me is really looking forward to this - seeing my sisters, parents, and niece, of course.  I have visions of celebrating their birthdays, baking and cooking with them, playing board games, fall walks, hot tea in the midwest October air, walks with Koral all bundled up, pretty leaves, and catching up with midwest friends.  I really hope that's how it goes.  But I already miss Senthil.  To think of him flying away right now to the other side of the world without me and Koral is heartbreaking.  Yesterday, he said he could cancel the whole thing.  I want him to.  But I think that this is all planned, and in the worst case, I will still be alright.  Right?

Not So Great . . . Week, um, 11?

Original Post from 2014

In the Ups and Downs of parenting, this last bit has been a DOWN.  Koral has taken a turn for the worse in the afternoon hours, and sometimes in the morning.  The one good thing is she is still sleeping at night, and I generally do get a decent amount of sleep.  She wakes up to eat twice, and goes back to sleep.  I would probably fall back asleep a little sooner, too, but our little Milo dog is on a skin medicine that means he needs frequent potty breaks, so each feed I let him out, too.  Ahhg.

The CRYING is intense.  "Colic" is a terrible horrible thing.  She is extremely LOUD.  Like, standing in front of those giant speakers at a concert LOUD.

So lately several people have been doing two things:

1)  Offering lots of advice.  Great, but I don't think any of it has helped.  We already do all those things.

2)  Tell me what they think might be wrong with her.  Well, it's just whatever colic is.  It might be a tummy thing, but I see nothing as evidence and the crying will abruptly begin and end.  Yesterday was a very bad day, with crying for hours when I was very sore.  My neck and shoulder muscles are just always sore from holding her, patting her, carrying her, pushing the stroller, and feeding her.

Again, I am super thankful for the sleeping pattern, and that she loves baths.  Also, we get out of the house and go shopping for no reason because it soothes her, or on a walk if the weather is nice.  Two days ago, we walked for five hours at three different stores.  I bought socks.  That's it.  But, she was happy, napping and looking around.  We came home and it was sooooo bad.  So largely, I think she is bored at home.  I cannot wait until she can pick things up and play with them.  She cannot reach out and grab intentionally yet.

I'm going to move on to a second entry about parenting, because my sister got me thinking.

Happy Days! Week 10

Original Post from 2014

Well, this last week has been GREAT.  I think I decided to change my own mood and be less frustrated, which is of course important.  But also I think my body is now used to the new intermittent sleep pattern and is not expecting any eight-hour blocks of sleep anymore.  This is the new normal, and I am okay with that now.  And also, Koral is becoming such a cute little person!!  She has more smiles, more personality, more cooing sweet little talking noises, and more focusing on things and people.  While I loved her before while she rages and screamed, now I can say she is becoming delightful to be around.  Senthil no longer looks scared to see her and we're all doing great as our little family.  So happy!  My favorite thing is catching her awake and contemplating something, just in her bed or swing waking up and sitting happily by herself for several minutes, thinking.  After a while, she will start to coo for me to come see her.

Senthil has been really very busy at work - his start-up is picking up both investors and customers and employees are being hired to build and sell the product, so there are a lot of meetings and working late.  I am incredibly proud of him on a business level.  It is not easy to find a product-market fit and make things work, and he is doing it well.  Part of this is luck, but most of it is his dedication to his work.

Weight - this is going great!  I'm down ten pounds since the last picture I posted, and have another 10 or 20 to go this year.  I'm not rushing it, but with breastfeeding and eating healthy, it's going down.  I've been wearing Koral in a carrier (Ergo360) on walks, and we all four (Senthil, Milo, Koral, Me) went hiking last weekend.  Senthil and I expected Koral and I to drop out near the beginning at the creek and picnic area like I did when I was getting hugely pregnant, but my legs felt like a real hike would be great, and I made it a very long way.  We stopped once to nurse, but other than that we went with the boys the whole way!  By the way, that is one comfy carrier.

As a sub-topic, we have stopped using the microwave completely, and I totally baked a loaf of bread yesterday.  More on that later.

Four Days without my Husband

Original Post from 2014

This week, Senthil was on a business trip for 4 days.  By the last day, I was missing him like crazy, but Koral and I were fine.  We got in a rhythm that I don't think we had before.  Also, seriously, the new swing and mobile help.  I can take a shower while she's in the crib looking at the mobile in the morning, and about the time I finish getting dressed she's ready to tell me she's bored.  We generally sleep longer, which is great.  Some mornings I crawl back in bed around ten for her morning nap.  Today I'm too awake, but she will nap later, too.  Really right now I'm thankful she's not crawling or walking yet.  I will look back at these early days and think, "I thought that was hard?"  I'm sure of this.  The consolation prize might be full nights of sleep, but she's already getting a little better.  She nurses while she's sleeping now.  She starts making sucking noises sucking her thumb or hand and then lets out a little "eehh" noise and if it continues, I pick her up and nurse her and she latches on and drinks until she's all satisfied without ever opening her eyes, and then she burps and I lay her down and she stretches a little and settles back into full sleep.  I used to change her diaper every time she fed, but now I just do it maybe once a night.  So the sleep thing is getting better and better, and the screaming during the day has lessened a little with the new soothers.  The 2-month appointment is coming up next Monday, so I can ask the doctor if she thinks Koral is actually teething.

With fall arriving more each day and the trip to Iowa coming up (the cold North!), I've been looking at her warmer clothes - things with sleeves and pants and socks and hats.  A friend wrote on her Facebook page she just bought 20 new outfits for fall for her 2-month old...  How many do you need?  Is 20 excessive?  Maybe I'm just a clothing minimalist.  I know I am for myself.  I just figure you do laundry and repeat...  They grow out of these clothes very quick, too.  Anyway, today or tomorrow I'll inventory what we have.  I haven't really been shopping because we were given so much to begin with from friends and neighbors.  Also, the super cute fancy dresses - Koral hates putting on long-sleeved onesies so I'm thinking dressing up would make her mad, and I'm not really all about the frilly stuff for no reason.  She's cute enough on her own and I really just want to her to happy and comfortable.  If we're going to get a formal picture taken or to a wedding, that's different.  Or maybe even out to eat dinner.  I don't know.  I just know there's a closet with a bunch of adorable little dresses I don't know if she will wear because I don't feel like they're practical for sleeping, eating, and laying around in.  And that's kinda what babies do.

YES YES YES!

Original Post from 2014

It is Wednesday, Week Nine Day 1.  Koral woke up an hour early and was fitful.  She ate, then spat it out, then insisted on straightening her legs and crying until I held her upright.  Then (finally) the sun came up, which is her favorite part of the day where she stares in utter wonder at the glowing blinds on the windows.  But then after that it's usually horrid pathetic sweaty fit-crying that makes you think she is really in need of hospital care until you pick her up.  Then she doesn't stop crying so much as cry medium-loud, except that it's in your ear so it sounds just as loud but you're just a little less panicked because it's not as urgent-sounding.  (I really hope this phase ends eventually, and that it is a phase.)  Well - Today, when that began, I laid her in her crib (which she doesn't sleep in yet, still with me in the bassinet) and turned on the new musical mobile that runs for 20 minutes and I GOT IN THE SHOWER.  Usually about when I get to the conditioner but before I shave my legs I hear the crying.  Today, no crying.  YES!  She was just laid back, listening to the music and watching the little critters swirl around.

Then - we came downstairs.  After a while I decided to make breakfast and she was done on the baby gym mat, so guess what?  She's having her morning nap in the new swing and I made a complete breakfast with chai tea and everything.  Yay!  I know it may not last, but it's a big deal right now.  I do believe she is beginning to get teeth growing through, and she began gumming at her blankets yesterday.  I think that's part of why she's so upset.  Other than that, my parents think i should take her to a chiropractor to make sure she's all okay.  They said some babies just need an adjustment after birth and all the squeezing they went through, so I'll call around today.  I know I need an adjustment and have been putting it off.

Adjusting as we hit week 9

Original Post from 2014

So week eight went okay with some very nice days and some very lousy days.  The only difference between these days is the amount of sleep, which has become a touchy subject because even when I'm left alone and Senthil has Koral downstairs, I sometimes cannot relax enough to doze off, generally because I hear her crying and can't ignore it.

I read an article this week about viewing your days as a parent - glass half full or glass half empty?  Early in life, my sister said, "Everything is what you make of it" and got me thinking glass-half-full.  The article below goes through a mom's morning like a journal.  It's the same day written twice from both perspectives.  Personally the half-full version is too mushy in this article and trying to sound perfect, and there can be all kinds of humor in the crappy stuff that happens.  But I understand that it is encouraging positivity, and that's great.

http://www.babble.com/parenting/glass-half-empty-vs-glass-half-full-parenting/

It comes down to being just like everything in life, how you want to see it and make a choice.  Unless, of course, you are either really really over-tired or sick.  Then it's half-empty and you just have to wait for it to get better.

The husband -

Well, it's a strange thing.  The first two months, Senthil himself wonders if he makes anything easier or should he just stay out of the way?  One person told us when I was pregnant that the first three months, it's more a mom thing.  I kind of have to agree.  I don't want to agree, but it all comes back to nurturing that only I can give her right now.  Senthil keeps saying it's good I have a strong instinct to nurture her and he doesn't have that yet.  He plays with her but it's more for him, like he wants a cuddle so he cuddles her and kisses her and ends up rubbing his scratchy chin on her and she cries.  Or he lays in a really comfy position on the couch and she's on his chest in a slightly awkward angle and crying but he thinks she's just exercising her voice.  So reading the cues she gives isn't as much working with him, but he spends much of the day at work and not with her, so that makes sense.  He does have these adorable little pep talks with her about life rules, and that goes well because he is looking directly at her face and can read her expressions.  He'll hold her so they're face to face and say things like "Okay, Rule Number One:  Milo is your Brother Doggie.  Doggies have floppy ears.  Babies have ears, too, but they're not floppy.  Rule Number Two:  Mommies need rest, too..."  And it goes on like that.  It's REALLY sweet and cute and I wish I could capture it on camera but he never lets me.

Senthil will be leaving on a trip for FIVE weeks soon, and he'll miss SO MUCH.  I think it's okay, and he may even need the freedom, sort of like a "time out."  But when he comes back, she'll be a completely different person.  She changes so very quickly.  I still can't figure out at what point she transformed from my tiny little newborn into this chubby loud yelling baby that she is right now.  In my mind and memory there are now two version of Koral, and they do look quite different.  Senthil loves her chubbiness and very affectionally calls her "fat one" and she "looks less like a little chimp now and she got cuter!"


Next:  We Upgraded on some Stuff.  I had to.

I had bought a little tiny fold-up baby swing.  It didn't cut it.  It cost way to much for what it was, but oh well, move it out and move on.  I went to a friend's house last week and saw a REAL baby swing that goes sideways or front to back, plays music, is electric (not batteries) and has a revolving bird mobile.  YES!  I just thought Koral didn't like swinging.  No, she didn't like that little swing.  It was boring and the seat was uncomfortable.  Yesterday I bought and assembled this Fisher Price wonder called "Snugabunny Swing" and it is SO worth it and SO much better.  She loves it.  She likes napping in it even without the swing going in the day as it is really comfortable and she likes the mobile for staring at when she's awake.  Swinging is soothing if nothing else works.  This was such a good choice.

The Mobile on her crib.  I loved the little animal one we have.  The problem is that it is a wind-up mobile, like every other mobile I have ever seen.  But as soon as it stops, the baby that was almost asleep notices, wakes up, stares for a minute, and then throws the biggest fit you've ever seen, getting all sweaty and agitated over a mobile.  So I got a battery-powered one that plays music for 20 minutes!  There are many different songs, a night light,  and I have high hopes.  It is by Tiny Love, and called Princess something, and the mobile has little fairy houses and butterflies and a frog on it.  We'll see if she likes it tomorrow.  I just attached it today.

So so far, it's been the bottles upgraded to Tommee Tippee, the swing, and the mobile.  If it will make months or years of your life easier, I say do it.  If it's just weeks, maybe struggle through.

Okay - ready for week nine starting tomorrow!  The two-month doc appointment is next Monday.

Week 7 Haze

Original Post from 2014

I love my girl, she is just awesome, but time keeps accelerating forward and I seem to get nothing substantial accomplished.  I feed her - which often consists of sitting in akward positions for ten to twenty minutes, no matter how comfortable I try to be.  I put pillows on my lap to raise her up, but over time the pillow smooshes down and then I push my knees up by extending my feet on tipped toe, which has to stay there...  I can't recline back because she does not stay latched on that way at all yet, so I sit on the edge of the chair, bed, couch either upright or worse, slightly stooped forward.

I pump and freeze milk.  This is a process.  If I'm not lazy, I get out the bra thingy that holds the pump things to me so I am "hands free" and can surf Facebook on my phone.  If I'm lazy, I just hold it on because the bra thing is a hassle and takes an extra three minutes.  I freeze the milk for later and always have some in the fridge ready to go.  I keep up with the laundry and dishes.

Mainly, though, I try to sleep.  It's a haze.  Suddenly it's Monday.  Suddenly it's Friday.  Hm, I know in between I never did get actually rested.  I went on two forced walks when I was too tired to enjoy it, I took 24 cute videos of Koral with my phone and uploaded 5 of them, I watched loads of crappy t.v. while pumping and feeding her and I continuously attempted to sleep.  Sometimes it works.  Yesterday noon, Koral and I both slept for 3.5 hours without waking.  It was sheer bliss.  We still went to bed on time.  But I only got 3 hours of sleep in the night.  She is just a little high maintenance.  The girl loves to be held.  She is just pissed to be put down.  When she wakes enough to realize she's not being held or is hungry, she rages.

Getting ready for a specific event in this haze takes a burst of energy reserve I will miss later.  I had two doctor appointments this week.  The dentist said my teeth are perfect and all the acid reflux of being pregnant did not hurt anything!  Yay - but it was a lot of work to get ready and go.  Just tired.  Think of that day you stayed out all night and still went to work in the morning.  It's a little like that feeling.

My favorite part is when she's just falling asleep and she's laying on my chest breathing near my neck making little satisfied sounds and I'm awake enough to enjoy it.  It's a great cuddle.  I look forward to the hopefully not-to-far-off days when she sleeps through the night.  The thought of sleeping for 8 hours makes me giddy.

Extended Maternity Leave

Original Post from 2014

I have officially extended my leave until mid-November.  My main purpose now is to stay rested and take care of Koral.  Yay!  I plan to continue to try to get out more, stay fit, and just treasure my little girl who just keeps growing.  She's still so very tiny, little nine-pounder, but I can tell she changes a little every day.  That continues to shock us as we enthusiastically observe little new changes.

6.5 Weeks - She's Smiling!

Original Post from 2014

Koral began to truly SMILE this weekend!  We've seen big grins and smiles randomly, which is brand new.  So, with that lovely event in mind, here's some of my favorite things about her to remember so far:

1.) I love it when she coos and says "Glah" in her little baby voice
2.) How calm she gets at bath time
3.) How she predictably stretches big after sleeping, with hands balled into fists, both arms stretch way back over her head, and she arches her back
4.) How she sleeps right on my chest like a little warm, sweet, doll-sized bundle
5.) How she looks around in total wonder with her mouth slightly open when she really focuses on the things around her - especially light, shiny things, mirrors, me, and Senthil

Did I really just say that awful thing?

I know this sleep-deprived time will pass, but it isn't passed yet and I have been grouchy.  I know I have.  I am constantly experiencing an internal battle with being nice and being overwhelmingly tired (of not getting REM sleep, of staying home, and of things my husband says).

So here's the battle:  I want to be nice to Senthil.  All in all, he's awesome.  But then there are things.  You can skip this little vent-session if you want, but I think it's therapeutic, so here it goes:

Things that have caused me to become a hostile monster this week:

1) Senthil sleeping SO much more than me and then complaining he's tired
2) Senthil letting Koral "cry it out" while he watches her as I shower
3) Being unable to accomplish simple tasks like cooking okra because I am holding Koral, etc.
4) Senthil asking me again why some women are skinny after delivering babies.

OKay, as I review this list, I see I am mainly upset with Senthil.  I also realize that I can't be upset with Koral as she is little, so I probably do deflect that to him.  First, I am happy he gets sleep.  I am.  I should probably let #1 go.  Second, I sometimes let her cry it out, also.  But it causes me a lot of anxiety while I'm in the shower/getting dressed unable to relax while hearing her wail.  I should probably let that one go, too.  And #3...well, that's just going to happen until daycare, I suppose.  Let's face it.  He shouldn't have said #4 and we all know it.

Much better.  Alright, this week I will try to be nicer to my wonderful family.  I am super proud of myself because I DID set up the Wii and exercised on Thursday.  I could feel my muscles happily stretched out yesterday (Friday) and today I may skip it because we're having guests over tonight and I need to get some things done, but tomorrow is wide open.  If Koral is sleeping, that's a great time.

Here's the thing, though.  My breasts are huge.  I mean it's gross.  I guess I lucked out in life having a small chest.  If I had to deal with this normally - I don't even know.  But they just keep getting bigger because - and I had never thought of this before - as Koral gets bigger, she needs more milk.  So they keep upping production!  It takes a lot of water, too.  I am thirsty like crazy, but don't have to pee - but let me tell ya, it's like having two extra bladders stuck on your chest.  They get "full" and it can be very, very uncomfortable.  This gets worse over time.  This morning, Koral guzzled breakfast, and then I still pumped out 5 ounces to freeze (for daycare later).  Also, if she's asleep and it's too uncomfortable to wait for her, I pump.  My advice is get a good pump.  You will use it a lot in the second month and onward if you're not using formula.

Okay, she woke up.  Later.

Six Weeks Old: Fussiness

Original Post from 2014

Last week we had an appointment with the pediatrician who verified that Koral would be at her "peak fussiness" this week due to a growth spurt.  Now at 9 lbs, she is SO much bigger and grown into 3-6 month old clothes in many brands.  She has been awake more often eating slowly, crying, and looking around.  When I'm very tired - mostly in the mornings - it can be difficult, but I am amazed at how much I like the experience even when she's crying.  Especially if I am rested.  I guess the feeling I'm expressing is that this parenthood thing is NOT like babysitting.

I had a fear even the week before Koral was born that I was in for eternal babysitting and what was I doing to my life?  It's not at all like that.  I've often heard from friends that when it's "your own kid" it's not even close to a chore.  I can see what they meant.  There are things you don't want to do, like waking up to feed or pump at 1 in the morning (like I'm doing right now) but it's all worth it because you have a warm fuzzy feeling for your little sweetheart and they somehow smell good and need you and fit in your busy life perfectly whether there was room for them or not.  I'm saying that it will be nice.  There is no need to panic.  People often say when you're pregnant, "Sleep now, your free time is over soon."  While the sleeping thing is kind of true, it's not as though you can bank sleeping time or even sleep at all when you're huge.  I wouldn't listen to this advice.  You will love free time with your baby in the picture.  You and baby can hang out.  He or she will sleep a lot, too.  Sleep when they do if you need too.  That one is solid advice.

I'm ready to begin exercising this week.  I haven't had my "all clear" from the doctor, but I feel ready.  They pushed my appointment back two more weeks and I can't wait that long.  I began with a two mile walk, then worked up to four miles the next day.  Yesterday I rested, and today I hope to set up the Wii!  Okay, done pumping, going back to bed.

Exhaustion Hits

Original Post from 2014

Last week I worked during the day while Koral was sleeping.  It worked for a week.  She was sleeping a lot.  I think over the week, I got less and less sleep since I was up half the night with her, too.  My sister came to visit on Friday night through Tuesday morning and I am so glad!  The only thing is I would have been able to do so much more with her if I had gotten rest during that week.  Well, by Tuesday I was pretty tired and kept pushing back work projects all week until I felt better, but guess what?  Koral has decided not to sleep anymore.  She wakes up every twenty minutes and makes hungry expressions, moving her mouth in little "o" shapes and sticking her tongue out in hope.  Then she'll cry.  When I feed her, she falls asleep on me.  She's also become somewhat rebellious against bottles.  Every once in a while she'll just drink a whole bottle and look all satisfied, but a lot of the time she just hates it and cries until I feed her.  We've thrown away so much milk this week.  She loves getting new diapers, baths, being held, and eating.  She hates being alone.  Senthil and I realize she is training us, also, and have begun to resist her cry when she has had all her needs met, but when her cry hits a certain pitch and sounds pitiful, I cave every time.

So, with this new sleep pattern, I have not gotten any work projects done and will have to talk to my employer tomorrow.  This week of sleep recovery and Koral has flown by and tomorrow is already Friday!  I was exhausted until today.  Today I'm tired but was able to feel normal again for the first time in about a week.  Since we now have decided not to enroll Koral in daycare until November, and since Senthil's start-up is needing more and more of my help, I think I'm going to be a temporary stay-at-home parent and work part-time helping Senthil.  I was already working part time for this business, but now it will have room to grow into more responsibility in the future.  The fact is, I can't be happy without sleep and I can't sleep enough in the night, so I need to sleep in the day.  In addition, I would like to have enough sleep to be able to exercise after the doctor clears me next week!  I'm hoping for the energy for morning walks with or without Koral depending on Senthil's schedule and ramp up to other workouts.  Well, that's pretty much it for now, but yes, I think my current position is sadly coming to a close.  I have really enjoyed this job, but since moving from Indianapolis and working remotely, I sort of knew it wouldn't last forever and was a temporary solution.  I guess it's time to start that process to be fair to myself and to Koral and Senthil.

3 and a half weeks old!

Well, Koral is flourishing and gaining weight, so mainly, things are going great.  However, for me as the mom, there have been a few challenges.

First, a week and a half ago on Wednesday, Koral had just turned 2 weeks old and I needed to go run some errands.  After changing and feeding her, I put her in the carseat carrier and off we went.  I got so much done, and she just slept through everything!  I felt great - so empowered that I could, in fact, leave the house with her if I needed to or wanted to.

However, even though I felt strong and happy, my body started bleeding again - a sign of a new tear in the uterus, probably from carrying her around in that carseat which is a little heavy.  What's worse, up until this point I had no real pain, but that night I developed a terrible little hemorrhoid that hurt horribly, sitting or walking.  Very bad news!  So, that took out my stroller walks on the trail and my good mood.  I was pretty bitter about this.  I am a big baby about pain.  Then I was feeding Koral one night and she kept getting her hands in front of her mouth and not opening her mouth wide enough.  She got a bad latch and hurt my nipple - felt like it was sprained for several days and I had to pump on that side!  So, there were a few complications.  I'm happy to say I'm back to normal now, but still being careful with things.  I have taken Koral out and about again on trips to FedEX, the post office, and Kohl's to shop.  We got her birth certificate and also got her photo taken for her passport, and I took her to the DMV while I changed my license over to South Carolina from Indiana.  She's been pretty good and crying minimally.  I did have to change her in the car once and fed her in the car and at Kohls in the dressing room - she had woken up while I was trying on pants.

Wardrobe - For now, I got leggings and yoga pants.  I will continue to shrink and no sense buying fitted pants.  We moved three times during pregnancy and most of my pants were really old, so I got rid of most of my "before" pants.  However, my three nursing tank tops from Target (previously mentioned) have been good, but not good enough for everyday wear, dinners, office, etc.  There just isn't a lot out there, but I did find a few on Etsy and 3 shirts have been ordered that look presentable.  Remember, nursing goes on for a year...  And I got two dresses that I thought looked pretty awesome (considering I've spent three weeks in spaghetti-strap tanks and yoga pants) but Senthil wrinkled his nose and said it looked "college-girl" style, meaning young and not professional.  Hey, there is a limited supply out there.  Just doing my best.  It is worth a lot to be able to nurse/pump without disrobing, though, and I am happy about my new clothes.  I will continue to add as I get back down to size/find more options.

So far, since coming home, I've lost 4 pounds.  This is without doing anything, so my hope is the rest will just happily slip off when I get the All-Clear from the doc at the 6 week appointment and can exercise again!  Either way, so long as I don't get hemorrhoids again, I'm happy!

Feeding - Breast-feeding has gotten easier and easier for the most part.  I now have a supply starting up in the freezer and today set up the warmer.  The only real issue we ran into was the bottles I got with the Medela starter kit - they are the wrong shape for Koral paired with breast feeding, and apparently the hole in the nipple is too large, as it came with size Mediums instead of Newborn 1-3 months size.  This led to too much milk when she did get a latch on it and it would spill out of her mouth every few seconds.  Today I got "Tommee Tippee" bottles that are made for breastfeeding milk and made sure to get size Newborn, and Senthil had a successful feed with her.

Finally - work.  I decided on Wednesday, one of the good days, that I was ready to start back at work again, and emailed my boss.  Now I'm a little apprehensive, because while I can work from home, meetings are a big part of my job and what happens if she's crying or needs attention?  So...I have some thinking to do.  Either way, if I do leave the company I have been working with (first in Indianapolis for six months, then remotely after the move for five months) I need to put in 4 weeks notice and will have to figure out something with Koral for at least 4 weeks.  Hmmm, it's getting trickier on the days that she is awake for longer periods of time.  Some days she largely sleeps through quite a lot, feeding every 3 hours.  Then, there are the bad days where I'm up half the night and tired and cranky.  And if I spend the good days making up for the bad ones at work, when do I run errands?  I had not planned to be a stay-at-home mom, but my options do seem to be decreasing as reality sets in.  Either way, I will continue to help Senthil with his business.  It just is really hard for me to let go of working from an office away from home.  I love going in.  Senthil hasn't had to change much since Koral came along, and I had truly planned to enroll her in daycare at 6 weeks old.  Now, Senthil and many others have voiced concerns about her getting sick from the spread of germs in daycare at such a young age.  I do feel torn about this.  Lots of guilt.  She is soooo tiny, only 7 lbs.  Maybe I could wait a few months.  I love my little Koral and want to give her the best possible start.

And with that, here's the link to a video I sent my parents this morning, saying good morning:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnqZTD4KKeY&list=UULBMpH2-Q6NTORCA9NmvVXw

Disposable and Washables (Diapers)

Original Post from 2014

I finally have a system going I like in the diapering area.  Senthil loves it, too.  First, I know disposables are loved by many and washing diapers might sound gross, but especially when they are this this tiny, it's pretty simple.

We used disposable diapers for the first week.  I was shocked at the number we went through.  Part of it was a learning curve, like waiting a second to see if she's going to pee halfway through a change.  But I wasn't very happy about them and the thought of running out was also in my mind.  I had 4 big packs that were almost depleted in 7 days.  That's crazy!  So I was planning to either go out and buy like 20 packs and just keep the receipt, or invest in the infant size of BumGenius diapers so I could always just do a load of laundry.  Yep, glad I did!  They are soooo soft on her and very absorbent.  I wasn't going to do the wipes, too, but the disposable wipes made me feel like I needed to wash my hands after touching them even to wipe her face.  It was not a fresh and clean feeling.  After checking out the ingredients in even the hypoallergenic wipes, I was not happy, so I decided to get washable bamboo wipes, too.  This was rewarding because they are so nice and smell amazing!  I mix up a big bowl of water with a little *Lusa Wipes Juice*

http://www.amazon.com/Lusa-Organics-Baby-Wipe-Juice/dp/B004GMGLN8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406833366&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+wipe+juice

and then just dip the folded wipes in to wet them, squeeze a little, and put them in the Prince Lionheart wipes warmers.  Now the two diaper stations each have them, and extra wipes can be pre-wet, put in the old plastic wipes bins for back-up refills, and we're good to go.  When it's time to wash, I just collect the washable liners from the bins full of diapers and wipes, throw it all in for one cycle with no soap on cold with a presoak, heavy wash, followed by one hot cycle with BumGenius detergent, and they are clean.  I've dried them on a drying rack in the sun for an hour or two, and that works great.  We will never run out (no midnight diaper runs for Senthil) and everything is clean, safe, and comfortable.  I love the scent of the Lusa Juice.  It's amazing!

This is the infant size diaper, although I got a large pack from "the green nursery":

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006ZJQOXM/ref=twister_B000OFNB2K

This is the wipes warmer I got two of and LOVE:

http://www.amazon.com/Prince-Lionheart-Warmies-Wipes-Warmer/dp/B001QIN6ME/ref=sr_1_4?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1406833959&sr=1-4&keywords=prince+lionheart+wipes+warmer

More on Milk

Original Post from 2014

One of my pregnant cousins had some more detailed questions about nursing.  This will probably be a TMI (too much information) kind of  blog, which is becoming a trend on here, I suppose.  That's the point, though - the more you share, the more people know and then it's less strange.

First, it's hard to fathom what it will be like, but you know the little hole in the end of the nipple on a baby bottle?  Well, it seems a real nipple has lots of little holes much tinier.  Like really really small.  The first week, when trying to "express" or squeeze out a bit manually, you just notice a bead of milk forming on the tip.  Later when you start to feel more "full" and a bit uncomfortable, it will come shooting out like a tiny tiny stream or from maybe up to five tiny streams at once.  At least that's been my observation.  Koral tried a bottle of expressed milk yesterday for the first time and had a hard time with it since it's so different.

The other weird thing that has begun in the second half of the first week is the other side leaking when Koral is drinking.  I keep feeding her and forgetting this, so then she's got this huge wet spot on her clothes where she was pressed up to the other side that was letting out milk.  Then I have to change her.  There's not much else to say in this department.  It's getting easier, she's growing so much.  She eats a lot!  Yesterday at her 2-week-old appointment it showed a huge gain in weight.  In nine days she went from 5 lbs 12 oz. to **6 lbs. and 13 oz**!  This is awesome and she is now fitting into most newborn clothing without looking to small.  All her marks looked super and the doctor assured me everything was going well.  Yay!

Postpartum Pride

Original post from 2014

One reality I knew I would have to deal with is still looking pregnant for a while.  I discussed this before Koral was born, but looking back after, here are my thoughts.

First, I remember seeing on the news last year after Kate Middleton had her baby this ridiculous news team analyzing a photo of Kate leaving the hospital with William and the baby.  Basically, the news team was saying how Kate was an inspiration and showing how it's okay to look "a bit pregnant" the day after giving birth.  I also heard it said on this crazy British show that she was princess material because she gave birth to a boy first, so clearly they are on royal cracker jacks and make no sense, but it shows how some cultures still think.

Well, I am packing a lot more weight than Kate - and I feel great!  I am healthy, happy, and so is Koral.  A postpartum uterus takes a full six weeks to shrink back down, and then there is some extra fat for sure, too.  I'm hoping breastfeeding will help this easily reduce over the next year, as well as healthy foods and exercise.  I don't care much about the stretch marks, just happy to be done with pregnancy for now.

I know some women love being pregnant.  I wasn't one of them.  I was happy about it for the sake of the outcome, which was MORE than worth it - but the acid reflux and back aches, nausea and headaches were terrible and I did not enjoy it.  Senthil is happy to see me return to a happy disposition, too.

This is a photo from only 4 days after giving birth.  Yes, this is normal.  I was still a little sleep deprived then, but also feeling very strong and proud to be on the road to something wonderful.  Since this photo, my tummy has definitely been getting smaller as things settle back into place.  Mainly, though, it just takes time.  Remember, you're not supposed to exercise other than light walking for six weeks, too, so even though I want to, I'm taking it easy and letting myself heal.

[](http://img.svbtle.com/4gswesscbkq3og.jpg)

2 weeks postpartum:

[](http://img.svbtle.com/kdp63smcaxgw.jpg)