Ohhh, it's been a long while. I am serious when I say this last 7 weeks has aged me. I got a new wrinkle on my brow between my eyebrows, a stress crinkle that is there now.
Well, last post was three weeks ago, and basically we continued our stay in Iowa. It was great to see the relationships form with Koral and family members. However, it was also very hard to be the single parent, hoping someone would watch her every now and then when it was not their parental responsibility. I was very tired the entire time. I could not pump except for in our tiny guest room - and then there was really nothing for Koral to do in there that would occupy 20 minutes, so I just stopped pumping. As it turned out, that was a bad idea and I developed mastitis to some degree with swelling and blocked ducts. I'm still producing a lot, and will resume pumping.
Back at home there was a lot of relationship drama and miscommunication between well-meaning members. This created a lot of stress on top of being without Senthil, etc. Long story short, I kept telling myself it would be better when he arrived.
The day he arrived, I had moved Koral and all our belongings to my sister's house near the airport. Koral fell asleep at 7 p.m. and I was very tired, but went to pick up Senthil at 10. Not getting to bed until midnight, driving through fog/rain, then sleeping next to a very loud snore I had grown used to living without - then waking up to again pack the little car with EVERYTHING. It was a lot. I was (and am) tired and cranky. On no sleep at all - 2 hours total - we headed out to Indianapolis.
In Indy, I was stopping for three days of work at my previous job to train our new marketing director. This was the highlight of my week! For four hours a day, I left Koral with Senthil in a very nice hotel. I set up all the toys, stations, laid out clothes, left milk in bottles in the fridge, warmer ready. You should have seen Senthil. He acted like it was the worst 4 hours of his life. Koral cried he apparently just let her. The second day was even worse. The third day he took her to Aleca's house (our old nieghbor's) and she watched her. For me, I get that he has been away and had all of this freedom and is learning. However . . .
Then we drove all the way home. And our power had been turned off. Yep. I forgot to pay the power bill. It used to be on auto pay before moving to the new apartment, and with all the craziness and held mail, I missed it.
So, after a ten-hour drive with a baby and dog and both of us sick of the car and hotels and each other, we found another hotel for two nights until power is switched back on. Brilliant. It was during this time that I finally lost it. Senthil just left all of it to me. How incredible. Jet lag, yeah, okay. But who took care of Koral and Milo for the last 6 weeks? Who has not actually been rested for a very long time and has severe neck and back knots? Oh, but he's tired and doesn't care and sleeps freakin' ten hours a night, then takes three naps during the day, and does not make it from 3:05 to 3:15 watching Koral. Sooooooooo - crap. Maybe he's just not cut out to be a good dad. From what I can tell, it's all about Senthil. I loaded the luggage rack and he just stood there, and when I had unloaded it and put things away in the room, he couldn't even be bothered to roll the rack down the hall back to the lobby. He got all snippy and snapped from the bed where he was laying - "Not right now!" Um, we can't just keep it. Other people need it on a Saturday night. I happened to have been feeding Koral and was less clothed than him. He just didn't care. He doesn't care when Koral is crying, he doesn't care when Milo needs to go out ("He just went out" - five hours ago), he doesn't help me in any way that would allow me to get more rest, and he doesn't seem to think it's unreasonable to be on his computer during any of these times. I would like to be on my computer, too - for work, which I do have, or for fun. It took me over a week to place a simple order on Amazon for safety gates and pack n play sheets because every time I opened the computer someone needed me. Anyway, I am really down. Getting pretty depressed. We finally go home tomorrow as the power will be restored. I know that will help a lot. Koral will hopefully be registered to attend a nearby daycare this week and starting next week, so that is also something. Oh - with the power outage, all my 32 bags of frozen pumped milk are gone (that's like 15 hours of effort). Yes, I am grieving.
This week - I want to join Weight Watchers, Enroll Koral in Daycare, Begin her on tasting cereal, research more on introducing foods, set up the play area in our living room with the safety fence for when she is crawling (soon!), Tuesday and Wednesday work with the team at my job to help them get things going, get Senthil's payroll in order for his business, pick up all our held mail, take Milo to the vet as he started itching again last week, Koral has her four month appointment, etc.
The one really good thing - Koral is beautiful. She is laughing now and is funny and inquisitive and chomping on all her toys. I got her a Sophie the Giraffe today and she went right to town on gumming away at it. She has started rolling from belly to back. She is grabbing for my food now, eyeing me when I eat and thinking, Hey, that looks kind of interesting, maybe I can eat that... Well, this is the week. Week 17. Intro to food. Here we go!
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