It's been a while - Ocean is 9 months!!  Koral is a very smart 2.5 and talking more and more.  Senthil has adopted the task of reading her a bedtime storybook after bath and tonight reported that when reading the book with the little mirror on each page, when it said "Donald Duck has a boo boo - can you show your boo boo, too?" Instead of mimicking the thumb like donald, she took her foot out of the covers to show a little scrape that I put a bandaid on.  Sweet smart girl.  Also, she is starting to parrot all the shows and us.  The best is when she is really feeling it singing along to something or even just her own song - she sways dramatically and either yells loud or using she "singing voice" and closes her eyes and gets really into it.  So precious.  Her hair is all curls right now and she does not like a pony tail, even though it's just long enough for pig tails.

Ocean is SO close to walking.  He is so different from Koral - more cuddly as a baby, more social and less independent - and omg, the boy has a love for food like she did not.  I think he's in a growth spurt but he's foraging and begging for food all day long and eats more than Koral does already - at 9 months he is eating more solids than her.  He is ready to tackle it all.  He ate half a veggie burger two days in a row for lunch with sides of veggies and fruit.

I am amazed at how well they play together and I hope it continues.  They are two peas in a pod, and Koral is realizing he is changing and plays differently with him.  She really can't wait for him to be able to stand up and take her hands and dance in a circle.  I recently hurt my lower back and it is taking its time getting better, so I haven't been wild with her and she misses that wildness, always asking me to dance and give her rides.  However, in a way, maybe it's been good because she isn't relying on me for all her fun - she has invented a game of pulling Ocean's socks off and teasing him to chase her for them, and he will laugh and crawl after her.  Sometimes it's his whole pants!

Right now they have a ball pit set up in her bedroom that they both periodically love playing in, and that has been great on the colder days and mornings.

On my side, I'm currently reading The Magnolia Story and my long-time love of Fixer Upper has only grown.  Also, I'm working on a project that I might be able to sell - after my surprise success with selling orders of felt play christmas trees in early December, I was thinking of offering another creative play item.  Perhaps I'll try to do one every few months.  Also, the corporate tax season for HealthPlotter is here, so getting that going, and then personal tax season.  I DID get behind totaling our finances for three months.  That feels yucky.  I LOVE knowing exactly where we stand.  I usually do it every Sunday.  But, there has been a huge lack of time and energy with sickness and cold after sickness and cold.  Ocean cut his first tooth on his 9 month birthday, and has been teething badly since so he's up often and unpredictably at night.  I'm so often torn between letting him cry so I can be rested and getting up with him or giving him tylenol.

These kids are amazing - I can't even believe how wonderful they both are.  That said, my goodness, I have never been more tired as this last year.  It's unbelieveable how much work, how many tiny tasks every minute holds - not just diapers but picking up things that are constantly moving, dirty, clean and need put away, attention being desired, shopping for them, preparing things, changing bedding - it simply does not end.  If we stay home as we have done lately because they got runny noses and then I got a GI track bug, things just keep getting behind even though I'm always working on it.  It's much better to get out for a while and come home and then tackle it for a bit.  I can't wait for the cold season to sort of fizzle out and for people to no longer be scared of being social again.  It's such a gamble right now.

Senthil and I have changed so much since our beginning.  Technically, we started dating 9 years ago.  We have been married for 5.5 years.  It's been rocky.  He really pivoted in every way.  I don't write about that side of things much as it's just not what I want a record of - the kids, my goals, that's what most of my posts will feature.  I have hope with him, but it certainly has not been anything like what I would have thought or dreamed.  This is something I struggle with, but try to have optimism about.  Everyone has their battle.

Ocean is almost 4 months!

Well, my last post was a bit sad - but I am happy to say that things have been good since then.  I have talked with lots of other mom friends and there seem to be two kinds of moms - those in a situation similar to mine with husbands that might be very engaged in work and disconnected much of the time and clueless as to what their wife is going through, and also this super attentive type that coddles and is apparently the perfect mate.  I'm glad to know that I am not alone, and that in general, this is the tough part and things get easier as the kids grow.  AND, it is getting easier!  A huge challenge of my day for a month or two was Koral's bath.  Ocean would cry and bedtime was hard.  Now, he is old enough to be in the bath with her, and behold, that part of the night is no longer one of stress but one of lots of laughs.  Yay!  He's got a little tub chair and I can sit on the edge of the tub and wash Koral while he splashes happily and then wash him while she plays with the bubbles, and then take him out and get him dressed while she plays and then put him in the crib to watch the mobile while I get her out and such.  Another huge thing is he's no longer in the baby swing (the motor is wearing out, too) at all and instead just goes to the crib to fall asleep.  So awesome!

This last week, I went to our MOMS (Moms offering moms support) Club MNO (Moms Night Out) for the first time in a long time - with Senthil's approval!  And we saw the movie Bad Moms!  And it was so fun!!  And I came home to a happy house!  Because the kids slept through the whole thing.  So, he said I should do it more often.  I just had them nap shorter than normal and got them all bathed early so really it was simple for everyone.  :)  What a great thing!

Just wanted to report that happy stuff.  So glad for all the wonderful friends in my life.  And new neighbor friends, too!

Ocean is 3 months - Koral turned 2

This has been some of the happiest times in my life, and also the saddest.  We moved to this beautiful home - I know how blessed we are to have what we have, to be healthy, to have our amazing children - Ocean is catching up so fast - he's been rolling in both directions, always eager to stand up when you help him, so smiley and babbling - just all around a great infant and growing so fast he will catch up to his sister in no time.

But everyone has their struggles.  I didn't want to post anything, but they are not going away.  I will say this - it is much harder to be cheerful with a moody person around than without them.  It is much harder to feel good about a hard day's work when someone that won't help sits nearby.  It is heartbreaking when your life partner finds it painfully annoying to care for his own children while you run to the grocery store.  I know I am blessed in many ways and he is quite a hard worker with business.  But I will say that.

On to better things - Koral is loving dancing and we play Pandora music and dance in wild circles, leaps, and spins!  Hoping to get Senthil to help me take the TV off the wall and get the Wii set up so we can do dance with that.

Ocean has been scooting across the floor slowly for a while now with those long, tiny little rabbit feet of his, but now he just chews his hands and looks around.  He's quite bright!

I'm a little too sad to write much more right now.  Love them.  They are the best.

Moving Week!

Wow - so much has happened.  Ocean is now 1 month old - we are moving in one day to the new house, which we bought yesterday.  It's been crazy - but mainly, I have adjusted to daily life with both Koral and Ocean.

Sever times in the last two weeks, we went to spend some time at the nature park and walk under the trees.

The first time, I forgot my phone and couldn't take pictures, but Koral was so energetic and excited to be out - running happily under the trees.  I sat and took Ocean out of his pouch and nursed him and he slept on a blanket while Koral and I ran around the tree trunk chasing each other.  Then we all relocated to the Cherry Trees where I took the blossom pictures of Koral last month.  This I wanted to especially remember - Koral wanted to climb the tree, so Ocean was settled on a blanket in the shade peacefully sleeping and I was holding Koral up on the big limb - and then the wind blew and suddenly pop, pop, pop!  All these little ripe cherries landing everywhere, splatting on us!  Ocean's blanket, my shirt and arm, Koral's face - like a war zone with cherry juice.  It looked awful but was very funny and we both laughed and then collected the little cherries and squished them into juice/paint and drew with them on a log and some sticks.  We took some home, but they dried up a bit before we got to use those.

Otherwise - Just in the business of packing and relocating.  More to follow - I'm thinking after the move I will have a lot more time to write.  Also, to organize photos and maybe do some creative things.  Here's to a happy move!

Ocean is Two Weeks Old!

In the past two weeks, so much has happened -

• Ocean arrived, as in the last post
• My mom flew in for nearly a week
• Koral showed she didn't need me much if my parents were around to give her lots of attention
• Koral transitioned to a toddler bed from her crib - Dad removed the side and attached the toddler bar.  She got out of bed to play a bit at first, but would go back in, cover herself up with a blanket, and fall asleep quietly.  What a brilliant little thing she is!
• Ocean's cord fell off, which brought his first bath last week.  It's been a few days since then and he will have a second bath today.  He doesn't seem to be smelly but he did get a little sweaty last night co-sleeping.
• He doesn't like to be swaddled with his arms in, but the legs are okay.  Whatever "Happiest Babies on the Block" says, I'm going with what allows us all to sleep.  So far, it's co-sleeping with my little baby next to me with legs swaddled.  When he wants to nurse, I sit up with the pillow and sometimes read my kindle.  
• Dad went home after almost two weeks of helping us here.  He was an amazing resource and I fully realize now how great he is with kids.  Of course I remember him playing with me as a kid, but seeing it as a parent is another perspective - even through his back pain and such, he has a great personality with kids. 

Not sure how long I have to write this, so I wanted to kick out the bullet points.  This is a post from Friday, two days ago, from Facebook telling of my first day without help - 

"Today was my first day with my kids alone - Dad went home and Senthil was working all day. We had a haircut appointment for Milo the dog, so both kids were hauled out to Petsmart to drop him off and hours later hauled back to pick him up. Just to go in and get the dog, I had to pick up Ocean from the car seat that looks just far too big for his tiny self, settle him in the Ergo carrier I was wearing, take out Koral who was pretty mad I took so long and she started spitting in her frustration, carry her on my hip because she didn't want to walk with me, go in, get the payment slip, go to the cashier, wait in line, pay, retrieve the dog from the groomer section, take both kids and dog out to the "pee zone" so he could go potty, load the car in the order of Milo, Koral, Ocean, Myself - and then drive home. Yep - it got a little bit more complex! However, now that the Ergo is properly adjusted and all, that should be a snap in the future. They napped well. Day One alone with them went pretty well!!"

I am now realizing that I probably won't be out with both kids at lots of events this week as I had planned.  I feel fine - my check up is on Wednesday - I'm glad I didn't get stitches - I am healing well - But at the same time, carrying the kids is still hard and I don't want to be stupid and re-open anything healed.  So, sadly, no strawberry picking this spring.  The days are also getting very hot and it's not fair to a new baby to expose him to that, I feel.  Koral will just have to have friends over and have a slightly boring time for the next few weeks before the move.  She may watch too much t.v. - but on the bright side, she can use the kiddie pool outside every day and get soaked, we can paint and do some messy things once in a while, we might even buy a new movie on Amazon Prime to add to our collection of favorites - and Senthil takes her to the park now and then.  I would love to get her out to Kroft at the creek in the woods, and Ocean would love it there in the shade of the forest, too, but only after six weeks and only with Senthil, I'm guessing.  

In other news, our new home is almost ready for us, and we met our across-the-street neighbor quite by accident!  My dad generously took my shopping for a nursing chair.  We found an amazingly comfortable gliding rocker recliner at Ashley Furniture.  This is the first new furniture item other than Koral's crib and the other less comfortably nursing chair that I have ever owned, actually - or will be after it arrives.  Our sales person at the store, Lydia, asked where to deliver it.  I explained we don't know our new address yet, and she asked what neighborhood.  I told her, and she said, "That's where I live!"  I said, "On ____ road" and she replied, "That's where I live!"  I said "On the end, 3 up from the circle" and she said "Oh my word, that's where I live!!  I am the house with the blue wreath!"  I said, "I'm the single level home in the middle of the three being built!"  She said "I am directly across the street - I was in your house last night seeing the progress!"  This was just nuts.  The furniture store is not at all close to the house and the city has millions of residents.  So, that night, we went to the house to take a peek again with the kids, Dad, Senthil, and me, and there was Lydia in her garage!  When I look out my front door, her house is what I see.  She invited us over and her house is impeccably clean.  As a sort-of-retired couple, she and her husband garden and take excellent care of their home.  They added a huge cute shed in the back yard as well.  Down their back yard hill is a sweet little creek - I would have loved a creek in our yard, but at the same time, I'm content with our tiny low-maintance location for the next five plus years.  

This last two weeks was also just really important to me for bonding with my parents.  Namely Dad, who we did get into political discussions with at the tail end and he was able to very clearly and sanely tell us his views.  It was an eye-opening experience, actually - but basically, he just wants to earn his paycheck and not be enforced to give parts of it away to things he does not believe the government should participate in.  I can respect that.  He basically is a guy who has principals and doesn't want to be messed with.  His idea of peace is being able to protect himself if he needed to from the bullies of the world that would take advantage, as a last resort.  He hopes to just be left alone to live, work, and enjoy life.  This being said, he is a Trump supporter.  I am a Bernie supporter.  But we both want the same things and have the same hopes for our reps.  We want change that makes our lives better.  Dad wants less free government stuff sucked from his paycheck.  Since I will likely never see a benefit from Medicare in my old age, I would also like to see that portion stay in my checks.  It's a tricky thing full of questions, corrupt politics, and confusion, but in the end, I respect what he says and it all made sense.  There was some over-generalizing, as there tends to be, but he's not the kind of guy that would go to a Trump rally - he just wants to stay home, do little research but will vote, work, and be allowed the peace of being paid for that work appropriately.  

In the near future, we will move, then Sheila will visit, then senthil's Aunt and Uncle will visit in June, then in July my parents will hopefully make it back for Koral's birthday and to visit for a while, then in September, we will head to Iowa for Sheila and Doug's beautiful wedding, staying in Iowa for perhaps two weeks.  Here's to the future!  

Today is also mother's day, and I love my Ocean and my Koral so much, it hurts.  I think right now they are just the cutest ages.  But I think it will only get better as they grow and play and mature together.  I hope they get along, at least for the most part.  I am shocked at how much I can't imagine before Ocean now - it's the same way as it was with Koral.  They are mine.  I belong to them.  Being away from them hurts.  That was the worst part actually the first week - being apart from Koral so much.  She was fine, but it hurt me.  I'm so proud of her for being so smart and sleeping in her toddler bed and - Oh! - so many new words!  When my parents were here, she was saying things like Shoes, Grandpa, Pretty, Go-Car, and so many others!  Now it's stopped again, but she did start saying Mama!  I just adore them both.  Senthil is doing well despite the changes, too - he took a long walk today since it's the weekend and is now out working but will be back this evening to see the kids.  ~Happy Sigh~  My amazing group of MOM's Club friends have been so good to us also with the meal delivery this week.  I haven't needed to cook at all.  Soups, muffins, cut fruits, dips and chips, trays of goodies and veggies, greek foods and chocolate bars...  it's been dreamy!  I feel very lucky.  I even got to cuddle with Senthil last night for an hour as the stars aligned and both our children slept early and he was not working and relaxed for once and Milo had played with his friend and didn't need anything.   

Baby Has Arrived! Ocean Arul Premraj - Born March 24th, 2016

Our sweet baby boy arrived - and here's the events of the last few days!

Saturday, my dad completed the drive from Iowa to visit us, watch Koral, and wait for baby.  That day, Koral and I went to the Earth Day festival in the morning, and Dad arrived during her nap.  She woke up, got reacquainted with him after not seeing him since December - they played chase and things - and then Senthil, Dad, Koral and I went out to eat at Mellow Mushroom for veggie pizza.  We ate, came home, put Koral to bed and then in the night I felt so sick - regretting the pizza.  I looked up nausea as a sign of labor and it was!  But after vomiting around midnight and then still feeling sick around 7 a.m., I figured it was actually the stomach bug.

However - by 10:00 I felt a bit weak but better and by 12, had some contractions!  At 1:00, I realized I should take a proper shower and get to the midwifery and have the baby - so I called the midwife, Linda, and let her know.  Dad was in disbelief, but at least was now prepared to meet Koral's needs and said bye.  Senthil and I met Linda at 2:00 and she was her usual calm and professional self.  She told us we could labor by watching a movie, walking, sitting, napping, but probably best to wait to get into the tub until active labor.  We watched a documentary for the first half hour, and then got hungry.  Senthil went to panera to buy soup and came back.  I had decided it would be nice to eat outside on this beautiful springy-summery Sunday, so Linda had washed off the picnic table and Senthil set out the food.  On the way outside, I was having contractions pretty back to back and at the table couldn't really get a moment without pain-breathing to eat, so after a few bites I gave up and any notion I had of taking a little walk vanished.  I let Linda know I was going in for a nap with the heated rice sock for the pain and probably only laid their for about 7 minutes before calling her.  The pain was getting longer, stronger and closer.  I was afraid to ask if this was "active labor" because if it was NOT, I would be so disappointed that it wasn't "that bad" yet.  She nodded yes, it was, and would I like to get in the tub?  Easing into warm water was sooooo much better.  I hadn't thought to bring a swimsuit top like in many of the videos, but didn't really care at all at that point so just undressed and slipped into the water to be buoyant and at peace.  My back hurt much less in the water, and contractions were bearable.  I was doing fine until the end when it was obvious my body was preparing to push.  Then I felt a pop and my water had broken and it was a turning point.  At that point, I realized I was in trouble because I would slip under water and potentially drown if I didn't have back support - it was a really long tub.  Senthil came and put his legs in the water to make a ramp for my back and held my head, which worked really well.  This was obviously work for him, to hold my head for the next 15 minutes of pushing, but he did really well.  It was really hard work, bearing down, listening to my body, giving in to something painful like that and pushing - but I really do well in the water and it worked for me.  From Senthil's vantage point, he could see what I could feel and it was crushing when the head was pushed out and then WENT BACK IN.  So much work!  After a few more really brave and intense tries, however, the head came out in a POP feeling and then after a bit of rest and waiting, the body followed and then he was helped immediately onto my chest to rest and be held.  The cord was very long, plenty of length.  There was no rush here that I remember - just me holding him and marveling that I had done it and he was out!  He was born at 5:11, 3 hours after arrival at the center, with the help of 2 midwives, Senthil, and me.  I starred at his face first, just holding him and falling in love and then his hands and feet.  I didn't even think to check the gender until Senthil asked, and it confirmed the ultrasound from months and months ago was correct.  After several minutes, the cord stopped pumping and Linda clamped it for Senthil to cut.  I believe Senthil held the baby as I was helped out of the tub to the bed.  I still had not delivered the placenta, which came out on a plastic mat a bit later and was taken away after we took a peek at it.  Sometimes you hear water births get very messy because of bowel movements or blood - neither was the case for us because I had nothing in my system and the placenta came out later, which made for nice clean water as far as I could tell.  From the bed, I held him for the first hour, skin to skin with a blanket on top.  Afterward, they did a little test on him, weighing him and things, and put him in a diaper and swaddle and checked me out.  I had a tiny tear, but nothing big and stitches optional, so I declined since I'm sure it will heal and it doesn't seem to hurt.  The next bit was Ocean's first nursing and then a visit from Dad and Koral, who came over on the way home from the grocery store when they heard the news.  I was so hungry but couldn't really eat hot soup nursing a baby and Dad had brought frozen yogurt - SCORE!  So I sat while someone held Ocean and I ate peanut butter and chocolate frozen yogurt with Koral eating every other bite happily on the bed with me.  After that, Koral cried when it was time for her to go and that was sad, but we planned to go home soon, too.  Senthil and the midwives, Amy and Linda, went to the living room of the midwifery house taking turns holding Ocean while I napped, changed clothes, etc.  After an hour more, it was getting dark and I felt refreshed enough to go home and see Dad and Koral and relocate to my own bed.

39 Weeks already! Waiting for Ocean to make his move!

4:06 a.m. - 

Week 39, Day 2.  It's been a great few weeks with Koral and playing with her, minus a strange 5 days with lots of pain when I had to rest it out during the 36th week.  My sister Sheila actually was able to visit during that time and it was a huge help - and she took these beautiful pictures of Koral and I at the Arboretum in town here.  It's been unseasonably cool this spring - sometimes too cold! - but I know I'm lucky since I usually feel warm.  My to-do list is pretty much done, and I'm just waiting for this baby boy to make his move.  It's a bit cruel at the end for the mother, because I know I need rest and sleep, but can't seem to manage more than 4 hours at a time.  I definitely nap with Koral in the day whenever possible!  But every night I'm up.

My birth plan/hope is that I go into labor soon - that Koral can stay with my dad here at the house (he's arriving tomorrow!  Yay!) and that she will be comfortable in the familiar setting even if I'm gone for a day (we've never been apart that long...).  I envision it happening like last time, laboring at home for a bit, then calling the midwife, Linda, when I know it's the real thing, and going to meet her at the birth center to labor for the last few hours in their bathtub/room.  Senthil can bring is computer to work or sleep while that is happening - it gets boring for the other person, hours long.  I'm considering bringing a book myself for in between contractions.  But the best is just if you can nap while it's going on until close to the end.  Then he will be real - I hope, if all goes well - and I'll be exhausted for like 3 years.  No, seriously, probably true.  Between Koral and him, I don't think my down time will be much for quite some time.  This here is a very busy phase of life.  It's a great one - so much joy and firsts and beauty in it - but soooooo much work.  Nursing again - Koral stopped in December and it's been wonderful.  Interrupted sleep again - waking up for every tiny noise, even imaginary ones.  Phantom cries every time I'm in the shower.  All that.  And any hope that they nap at the same time is a dim one.  So I know what I'm getting into.  But I'm excited and I never wanted just one child, really.  If I had only one, Koral is the best of the best.  She's my little wonderful peace of heaven.  I love her more than imaginable - I can't even describe it.  

Even lately when she loves to be chased and I scoop up her little 18 pound self and she holds onto my arm like a tiny baby monkey and giggles I just bubble with how lucky I am to know this little bit of wonderful.  She's so fun-loving and creative now - arranging items in the house in new ways, building strange and interesting towers with all kinds of items, sticking things in blobs of play dough and hoping I never move the sculpture so that the play dough gets dry but I don't even care because she's so proud of her work and so insulted if she catches me taking it down.  She's starting to speak more this week - new words are Woah-woah for Milo, "Three" for counting and hoping to be chased, and continues to day "eye" when pointing to someone's eye.  Her interest in books has naturally returned after a long hiatus - she now loves to point at each thing and have me say what it is on each page.  When I'm in the shower, she flips through her books now.  She's getting longer hair in lovely curls that are darling.  At the park she can easily climb the ladders and has finally developed a bit of fear for the slides - finally wanting to be caught at the bottom or hold my finger on the way down.  She really has no idea a baby is coming. However, I have told her "No touch" to the baby swing in the living room that used to be full of toys. She didn't like it, but has not touched it since both Senthil and I have said "no touch" about it.  She throws a little fit of frustration and then it's accepted.  

Anyway - love my girl - and here's to hoping this little boy decides to make an appearance soon!  I'm ready.  Let's do this.  

Also, the house is almost ready for us - moving at the end of may in four weeks!  Starting to look forward to that, too!